Grateful for my birthday via /r/gratitude

Today is my birthday.

Things are different than they were last year. My partner and I were in a car accident that changed our lives 2 months ago. I haven’t recovered well mentally. So, when my partner left my room to go dress up my to-be gifts, closing the door wakes me up.

I had been dreading the emotional impact of my birthday. Honestly, it feels different now that it’s the day of. I’m still carrying anxiety, paranoia, stress; Emotional blunting, depression and disassociation never died down. I look at gifts like I’m looking at the bare table below them. I look at my partner like a brick wall. I feel my lips tremble eating my cake. I can’t stop thinking about if it’s going to be my last bite or not.

Well, it wasn’t. I survived breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I got presents for the first time in years. My last remaining family made sure to pitch in for me. It didn’t magically get easier, and I might not feel it, but I’m going to say I’m grateful. It might not feel okay, but I’m grateful. I survived. I’m grateful. I’m grateful.