I’ve never felt this way before I’m so happy to be alive via /r/gratitude

From sleeping on the streets to laying in the bed of the suite of the most prestigious hotel in Lisbon with the women I love

It's so hard to be together in this chaotic never resting world specially with a messed up kid who taught himself how to live

I came from the bottom of the bottom, i was scared, alone and abandoned I had to become a demon in order to find paradise, to find you

It feels like I'm dreaming, you look like a proper angel, so beautiful it's surreal

The soft sunrays of the orange morning sun walk through the tall buildings and sneak trought our windows making your golden hair glow like a painting painted by god himself containing all the beauty, serenety and calm of the universe

It feels like I was sleeping my whole life and I have finally woken up when I found someone that understands me in my silence and hugs my soul with their eyes, eyes deep and mysterious like the unknown depths of the ocean, the eyes that almost makes me believe in eternity for a second

Once I've reached the top of the world with all the clothes, women, alcohol and luxury cars I found it all completely meaningless.

i understood that there are things that cannot be bougthen, things life had taken from me so early

I felt so empty and small with all my power but still sitting at the edge of the abyss like a blackhole consuming all life and light around me

that's when I found you and for the first time in my life I felt free, truly free I didn't have to pretend or cheat or deceive in order to be accepted

You helded a mirror to my soul and showed me that i still had good in me and i still had love in me, love for you and for that I'm so grateful my sweet, tender love

All the unspeakable things I've been trough all the unbearable, madening pain that I used to become strong also made me loose my humanity

I've always resented God for making aware enough to understand my own tragedy when no one else could relate

but now, right now in this very moment with you sleeping by my side i feel like it was all worth it

every second of every day I wouldn't change a thing

because now i can protect you, my strong heart beats for you, my unshakable arms will always be a refugee were you can run to, I will protect you from the horrors of this world for as long I live

This moment feels truly ethereal, this room has now been transported to another world were only you and I exist and we see and hold each other

unfortunately love I could never run from fate, my instincts are tangled with the universe and all it's mysticism and I just know I don't have much time left..the end is near

For the first time since i was born, I could see hope in a calm future, a quiet life with you

but strangely in this moment I feel an undescribable peace, this is my final rest place

and all the abuse, humiliation, hatred, frustation, pain and darkness every single decision leaded me to you

And for that it was all worth it, for the first time in so many years I'm happy to be alive,

I'm so happy to be alive, thank you my love

Times will fade, this planet will die out even I will become a whisper in time forgotten in an old world

But this love, the love I feel for you
I know it will echoe trough all eternity

Thank you Anna, i think this is our last goodbye

I love you

Always yours Nicholas