Feeling guilty and grateful via /r/gratitude

I recently bought a high budget gaming pc (also my first!) after years of begging my parents to buy it and fulfilling deals with them and achieving scores that they wanted. I can't help but be overwhelmed with gratitude for the past 2 weeks. Its only now that I suddenly realise how much I actually own. I have art supplies hanging around, a guitar, a gaming console, a dslr,, a good gym membership, my own room with an AC etc equipping me with so many opportunities and comfort in life that a lot miss out on.

My gratitude feels a bit materialistic, which it is because I happened to resent my parents for a lot of trauma they had inflicted upon me (which I'm forgiving them for to attain peace) but this guilt of realising I have always had more than the people makes me feel like I don't deserve this. Tone deaf people disgusted me, and I feel like I have been tone deaf all along as well. What makes it worse is the people I compare myself to are better than me in almost every aspect, without my luxuries.

I wish to turn this world into a better place for everyone and also to be able to utilize what I have and stop taking things for granted as I have always been. I still practice gratitude but this guilt doesn't go away.