Grateful for letting myself go through the motions via /r/gratitude

I went about a month without doing my cardio because I’ve been battling a left hip flare up for a while and was thinking it might be because of something I’m doing wrong in that workout. So I spent a month just doing strengthening and alignment focused exercises. I noticed that when I don’t do my cardio it triggers my brain to want to eat all day. I realize why this is happening though and it’s because for the past few years on the days that I’ve let myself eat were also the days I took a rest day. So it makes sense that my brain would correlate no cardio with “hey we get to feast!!” And I tried a new approach with my eating because I got to a point that I was obsessively thinking about food or when I was going to be able to eat next. So instead of restricting I just decided to let myself eat when I thought about it which turns out wasn’t the greatest idea. For me at least. It didn’t quiet my mind around food, it only made it louder. Which also makes sense because I know that whatever you do consistently gets easier to do. So, yeah – eating more often makes it easier for me to eat more often. Giving the voice that says “let’s eat!!” More power than the voice that says “let’s do something else instead”. I know that the more I’m consistent with my feeding window the easier it’ll be to get over the urge to over eat. This is turning into a long post so I’ll wrap it up. I’m very grateful that I’ve done my cardio for the past 6 days in a row. I’ve cried in the middle of them but I’ve kept going. Ive wanted to quit every time but I’ve kept going. Ive been able to stop my negative self talk and correct it with telling myself that it’s all a process. I haven’t wrecked my body and my health. I’ll get back to where I was before. I’m learning and it’s important to give myself space and room to grow both mentally and physically. I’m grateful that I see this and know that I’m not a failure, I’m worth the effort. My brain wants to make me think that I’m weak because being weak is easy and being strong means I have to do the work. It’s strange to get to a place where you realize that your brain isn’t always looking out for what’s best for you. I think I’ve spent so much of my life feeling ashamed of myself that I reflexively go to do things that make me feel ashamed. Feeling proud of myself is still an uncomfortable place for my mind to reside. It fights at every turn. It’s probably part of the addicts mindset too. Thank you for reading my long post!! Hope you enjoy your day!! Happy Easter!!