Grateful for my new pain tolerance and for not taking the pill via /r/gratitude

Yesterday I went to get my tooth pulled. I’ve been sober from a substance addiction including pills for over two years and when I made the appointment I noticed something in my mind jump for joy at the thought of possibly needing to take a strong pain killer. This is the first time since getting sober that Ive faced something where I’d get permission to use narcotics without the judgement and shame that’s attached to being a pill head. And I definitely saw that shift in my brain, it was like my mind tried to yank the reigns to lead me down a dark path that had always been there but I’d successfully avoided it for so long that I almost forgot how close it still was to me. That’s the best way I can describe it. Anyway – I took notice of this and went about my day. During the appointment I repeated my affirmations telling myself I could trust my body to handle this temporary discomfort and that I’m strong. Did my breathing exercises and I was able to keep myself calm. Right after the appointment as I was walking out of the office I felt that nudge from my brain once again “hey you get to take that vicodin you have at home!!! Yipeee!!” I gave this little drug pushing voice no consideration whatsoever and just kept walking to the van. I was still pretty numb so I felt strong in my resolve to not give in. Then bed time came and I felt the tug again. “Maybe just go ahead and take one before you go to sleep, yeah? Just so you don’t wake up in pain and have to wait for it to take effect in the middle of the night! It’s totally acceptable to need strong pain meds for something like this, give yourself a break, Kristina” (this voice was of my mom which was strange but makes sense cuz my addict brain was pulling out all of the stops in order to convince me to take the pill) I recognized this and just took three more ibuprofen and put my mouth tape on so I didn’t bleed all over my pillow and hopped into bed. Fell asleep easily. I woke up around 3am and could tell the numbing stuff had wore off completely but it wasn’t that bad, just a bit of discomfort, like a dull ache deep in my jaw. Again I heard the stupid voice and felt the pull of the reigns, but I quickly dismissed the urge and went to the kitchen and took more ibuprofen and some Tylenol. NOTHING ELSE!!! Beaming with pride and a big smile on my puffy face I stood there at the window and gazed at the full moon and basked in the joy of gratitude that I felt towards my body for trusting me enough to make that appointment, trusting me to take the reins towards the right path, and for ME trusting my body to be strong enough to handle what was ahead. Then I went back to bed. I woke up feeling great. Proud. Strong. Capable. Connected with myself like Ive never felt before. And then I thought “wow!! All of those times I felt so alone and so lost I never recognized that I had a friend with me the whole time, taking my abuse, carrying me along, never wavering one time – I had my body.” I know I never have to accept that I’m alone in this ever again.