Grateful for not being in the seeking cycle of addiction via /r/gratitude

I’m watching the show Painkiller on Netflix and it’s bringing up so many memories of when I was deep in my addiction. I remember being in the seeking cycle more than I remember the feeling of being high. It was anything for me, big time substance abuse. The doctors never explained to me that I could become addicted to the medicine. I had surgery on my right ankle. Becoming addicted to something I was prescribed by a doctor wasn’t even on my radar. “An addict was someone that looks for/takes drugs just to get high”. That’s what I thought. And that wasn’t me because I needed them for pain. I was very young. I remember when they stopped giving me the refills and how I felt. The leg restlessness, jitters, stomach pain, irritability, headaches…. All of it. I went through this and didn’t understand why I was going through it. It was miserable. That’s when the seeking began. Going to another doctor to get a script behind my regular doctors back. When my family found out was when I was told that I was a junkie. I was slapped in the face with that reality. I felt dupped. Like I was tricked into it. The shame took over and that’s when it all began for me. The sneaking, the lying, the hiding, the denial, the dark version of me. I was 22 years old. Two kids. Pain with every step. A family to take care of. And now a big secret. I used everything to numb myself just so I could get through the day. Some days it was pills. Some it was alcohol. Some days it was sleep. Some days I’d resort to self harm just to divert my foot pain to another area of my body. It lasted for years. I finally got sober when I was 42. So 20 years……!!! Wow!! That’s such a long time. My kids never knew me as I am now. They only knew the me that carried that dark version on my shoulder. They only knew the need that was overflowing with shame and guilt, denial. I’m so grateful that they’re not locked in my toxic patterns anymore, they’re free from me. I’m grateful that I’m no longer in the constant seeking cycle of my addiction.