Grateful for sobriety and new normals via /r/gratitude

Yesterday at the birthday party, I had a moment of realization that hit me harder than I expected. I’m still adjusting to life after spending so many years surrounded by drunk people. It used to be the norm — whenI was with my ex, every family gathering, even baby birthday parties, seemed to revolve around alcohol. And to be clear, I was drinking too, so I’m not trying to play innocent. That was just life for a long time.

But yesterday, while visiting with my new family I’d never met before, something felt different. There was a sense of calm. I could breathe. Like really breathe — not the kind of breathing that’s bracing for chaos, but the kind that comes from peace. I didn’t have to keep my guard up. I wasn’t scanning the room for signs of danger or discomfort.

I’ve spent years doing that — monitoring everyone’s moods, adjusting my own behavior to keep the peace. I’d jump up to get someone another beer before they needed it, just to prevent them from stumbling. I memorized what people ate so I could anticipate what they’d want next. I got so good at predicting drunken behavior, I could tell how soon someone would need another drink just by how high they tipped the can.

I didn’t realize how much of my nervous system was still living in that world — until I wasn’t in it anymore.

It made me feel sad, but also like I’m finally stepping into a new beginning. A life where peace is possible. A life where I’m not constantly managing the emotions and behavior of drunk people.

It’s been five years, and I’m still adjusting.

But I’m grateful — so deeply grateful — to even have a new normal to reach for. 🤍