Having a hard time feeling grateful via /r/gratitude

I recently joined and reading everyone's gratitude posts make me smile. However, I'm having a very hard time being grateful for anything lately. I had a miscarriage a few days ago, and I had another one a few months ago. I'm so devastated and don't understand why I'm going through this. I feel so depressed and can't seem to find anything worth being grateful for right now. I just wish I had my babies. 💔