I am grateful to be who i am in the present moment, i am grateful to be an unrefined, raw human being via /r/gratitude

I was reading the excellent "Freedom from the known" by J. Krishnamurti.
It took about 4 hours to finish it.
A gem. A cathalist book free from the allures and the vanity of the contemporary "gurus".

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His words were bouncing in my subconscious mind, I could hear the chattering
Not words of pity, not words of easy renunciation, but words of courage and truth.
Quietly I went to sleep, and I left the voices discuss…

🌞
I woke up the day after and I looked at my surroundings, i was in my place, a messy place reflecting my previous and unresolved trauma.
I never felt my place so cozy, warm and familiar, it was like I was experiencing it for the 1st time…
I so grateful to be in my place.
I am grateful for my past trauma that made me who i am.
My place is my soul. I am so grateful to be who I am.

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And my place is thick, messy, rich of history, scary, because ghosts populate it.
The Ghosts of Lost Love, the Ghosts of Rage, Desperation and Joy. Illusion and Betrayal.
Palpable and living emotions like a deep sea, coming in waves, that envelop me.

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I felt so grateful for my insanely messy place, i finally saw my messy place in his richness and showing his real, sacred essence.
Like death carrying life.
Life evolving to death.
I am so grateful that I will die, I will be ashes, floating quietly in the dark bottom of the ocean, and a fish will come and nibble at the white flakes…

🔥
Looking further at the piles of stuff I realized that in front of me was laying what the ancient Alchemists call "Prima Materia".
The source of The Medicine, to be revealed upon transformation.
A lot of it to work with.
A precious and invaluable resource.
I didn't feel paralyzed, terrified by that pile of mess, but excited, and ready to put my hands on it.
I am so grateful to be in the center of a pile of mess.
I finally found the Prima Materia I was looking for, and it was just here, but i was blinded by fear.

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I clearly saw that there's no good, there's no evil outside our judgment, we all, women and men, are sacred.

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As an Athanor we can accomplish the transformation inside us, then project it outside us.
The deepest, the darkest is the deep sea of the emotion surrounding us, the more is the potential we have to overcome our pain and create new life.
It's true, The Medicine is inside us.

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As tears started to flow, warm and salty, on my face, I felt immense gratitude for the past, the present and the future and for the existence of every being in this world.
I am so grateful for the existence of all of us
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