I’m grateful for the quiet of my early morning routines, being slow and gentle. via /r/gratitude

I work fairly late so that I can be home in the morning to make sure our youngest, who has behavioral and mental health issues, get up, medicated and on the bus for school. I don’t need to get up for him until about 7:45am but I get up on weekdays at 6:15am to see my wife for a cup of coffee before she goes to work and the older kids before they leave for school.

My wife has some medical issues so many mornings she leaves early for appointments before work. Then the older kids are gone. Now, I have time for a slow routine. Water the flowers, clean up after the dogs, put away the dishes I washed last night. Even cleaning up the dog poop feels sacred when it’s done in the quiet of early morning. Hearing the birds as I water the flowers and refill the watering cans for tomorrow is like a holy ritual when done mindfully.

Then I can get to that first sip of coffee. I brush my teeth because the earlier I do that the more certain I feel that I will apply my energies in useful ways today. I don’t know why but it feels like it pushes laziness away.

Early, I feel my age. I’m not old yet but in my mid-fifties I have begun to clearly notice the impacts of aging. I slower but defined direction to start each day feels right in accordance with this. Slower but more concentrated is a good way to start and it also feels like the truth of this point in my life.

I’ve done a lot and usually done it mindfully before it’s even time to wake up the youngest. He is a ball of fire from the first moment. Tons of talk, sound and energy and a thousand reminders to keep him on track. Some mornings, I have to work to avoid my own frustration or anger from creeping in. He is so much more than I thought I’d ever be dealing with at this age but since I’ve started slow and gentle to this point my own emotions are more manageable and I can be mindful of them before negative ones take hold. In a world that is often frustrated with him he needs this time with me to be a time when he’s just heard and acknowledged and loved. I think that has to help. Maybe it helps both of us as no life is truly singular.

Once the youngest is gone to school, I can love the dogs for a bit or get out on my bike for a ride or start sweeping and vacuuming and mopping the house. Maybe there is dinner prep for when my wife gets home several hours before me. Maybe there is a quick run to the grocery store. I try to see and feel exactly what is right for this moment in this day and do what seems best. Some days I take it easy. Most days I find my recovery in just doing what most needs doing whether it is exercise or housework. But I try to do each thing with my whole heart and not just as something to rush through or as a box to check off.

Most days I save part of the sacred time of morning for pranayama, yoga asanas and meditation or whatever mixture of the three works best amongst the other things and what needs call to me the most. Each day is trying to figure out my role as a householder trying to be a faithful karma yogi. What do I now? What is my dharma today? How do I do it mindfully and without resentment or desire for praise or reward? I am grateful for these questions, too.

I am grateful for this daily opportunity to start quietly, follow a routine that feels right, to be gentle with plants and animals and myself, to slowly test my ability to remain gentle in thought word and deed with other people. I am grateful for having found this rhythm at this time in my life. I am grateful that some days age seems to have not only brought physical decline but some wisdom for this next phase of my journey.