im grateful i know who i am. im grateful i know who u are. via /r/gratitude

***isnt written too well just had to release shit
i have been going thru trauma of unimaginable circumstances all while being investigated and surveilled for espionage…which is because i had come across a few traumatized disabled veterans who's lives completely turned around by simply being patient with their physical and emotional needs in order to make social interactions much more comfortable so they can have a genuine conversation and express themselves as they often are desperate for such release. even simply watching movies or listening to music. we are never discussing government secrets lol thats the last thing they want to think about. but i saved a mans life once with miraculous grace in the middle of the woods with no cell service…and they were trying to use the footage of me dropping him off at the hospital as "suspicious". turns out him and his wife seemed to have been aware of this "secret program".

but as things went along, and my phone was hacked right around when i near death experience from a seizure. i thought it was a stalker i had for 5 years and after that ive been running ever since. cut to living in arizona. i didnt know i was being investigated and surveilled so i had wifi installed in my house that had spyware attached and somehow its like my phone was being broadcasted to these strangers around me, i kinda was glad to have someone surveilling me to see i had no idea what was going on. doing a crazy background investigation where they found nothing. the only person who fought for me was the wife of an old man whos life i saved in a very shockingly graceful way years ago. i didnt delete anything on my phone knowing like i really have nothing of interest to hide like yeah i used to do drugs in college but i knew if they just watch long enough ill show them how simple yet fulfilling my life is. they really just observed how magical my existence was. & i started pointing a finger when there was like a no good nazi or like dirty cops who abuse their power or like what ended up bringing attention to a foreign infiltration that had gone undetected. & they couldnt fucking believe i did that shit alone just off intuition, experience and calmly observing. and they sent a very special guy to protect me and teach me how to be safe from professional kidnappers, and we both learned from each others knowledge/perspective and a little on surviving in the desert type shit. and he was lowkey supposed to be a hitman kinda maybe but like i just let him talk to get shit off his chest cus people like that never get to be like vulnerable just like the veterans so i was grateful to have had a rare experience like that to truly expand my understanding. and then he leaves and things are calm for a while & i get ready to start up a job after a really debilitating traumatic year of accidentally infiltrating and disrupting some sort of semi government program/bootcamp to be rich and famous. yeah. i dont know. but the government or some organization tried to kill me several times in ways that left no marks. so no one believed me.

but then out of nowhere, after i thought everything was over, some crazy shit just stirs up and people are talking about me online and exposing shit about my family i didnt even know and saying i lied about my dad dying??….and im not a good person or smart….and im like who tf are you people. and people i dont even know are looking kinda weird cus like people kinda knew me as the girl who somehow is still alive & people call her blanket & there were wool blankets left out for the homeless. & all the beer company i like supported the vision w a new product. they like mentioned me on the radio & the news did a protest about how fake the news is & they had my name in the subtitles. the crazy shit i was put thru by the police and medical malpractice at hospitals & eventually these black strangers started standing by me cus it made the crazy ass white people telling me to kill myself walk away. i was so good at figuring the shit out with no rules they thought i was like part of it or running it.

and then i met my 1 friend M who was black n he was like really into spirituality too & we jus like talked about whatever shit but we got pretty close & he really hadnt had someone to like tell even simple emotional stuff with. & i didnt get to be around someone who is so well read & polite & like we gave one another a place to put our thoughts. but the race difference was so controversial that we simply haddd to be up to no good. so i was being called the n word and people acted like he was gonna r+pe me but more people than expected were like that actually a really healthy innocent friendship. even a cop flickered his lights and waved when we were watching the sunrise. its like kinda hard not to see something powerful in how the inexplicable, natures beauty or all that is divine, brings together all types of people.

all the while random people start a smear campaign with my r+pist who partially instigated my arrest on the false DV charges that are being used against me by a stranger and yall calling me billie eilish cus im sad and annoying and that im playing the victim and saying youll hurt my mother and that im lying about everything and that i kill people……especially knowing my old best friend was behind that screen knowing their master plan was to kill me and steal my money.

i found out that people i knew from back in new york were trying to have me killed because they were planning on stealing money and using my identity. people did all this crazy shit in my name thinking it was a get out of jail free card idk who told them that was safe because a lot of them got hurt. cus those people from new york hired a hitman. they told all the kids i was crazy and toxic and on drugs and to not trust me. they said i lied about everything. they interfered w me talking to the federal police about my email being breached & that it was very concerning what came back regarding almost terrorism hidden behind white peoples identities.

and ive been moving since my phone was hacked in 2021…at that same ex friends house…where i was left alone to have my 1st near death experience from a rare seizure disorder i have. and then a month later it happened again…and they didnt take me to the hospital and they left me. i decided to move across the country cus it felt like these people were actually going to kill me.

back to arizona, suddenly then all these people start to go to the hospital pretending to be me….banning me, a disabled person, from be treated at any hospital in the city. it felt like i ran away from these people out of fear….and they followed me across the country….to try to get me killed again.

but a lot of scary bad shit happened like i got punched in the face by a fucking sex trafficker & a tooth came out, i got r*ped several times, i was tortured w sound recordings of sex and babies crying after the police cleared out my neighbors apartments for that and sometimes they pointed guns from behind the wall and i could sense when they did idk how, i went thru literal brainwashing/confusion/manipulation tactics to disorient me completely, i was found dead in a parking lot, i talked down the hitman guy when he had a knife inches from me, these really scary incel white boys in all black lurk around me & yell about "no girl just hangs out with a guy!", the police made me eat a hot dog covered in semen and made me record me voice saying "i lied about the r+pe" to scare me, people broke into my apartment to just scare me knowing i was having seizures from the SA shit, they broke the free emergency phone i was given by the r+pe kit place to hide in secret (hacked that too), they stole my dads old car, i lost everything i owned, my r+pist broke in and pissed on my floor, smudged shit on my walls and such, they gave drugs to my cats, they committed crimes in my name, i got evicted, i had to leave work, my new old car was modified to blow up so my body would burn with no evidence left, the police kept coming for these involuntary psych evals where theyd say i was imagining it all and i couldnt talk about r+pe that i imagined it and if i did i got shot w thorazine to tranquilize me, once i woke up confused cus i think sleep meds were put in my wine bottle but my abdomen hurt and next to me was a knife w some blood on it and an IUD?? which i kept as evidence just for the cops thru on the ground when i was handcuffed (my r+pist said he "barely" put the knife inside snd he was "fixing the problem"….), i went into a fugue state and disappeared without a phone or anything for like 10 days with no connection to rationality due to prolonged trauma, i was brought into a weird part of a hospital and injected w stuff they wouldnt tell me what and i woke up w weird abdomen pain again and then the nurse looked at me and pretended to inject it but didnt which luckily they didnt see thru the 2 way glass they were observing me thru, i have really bad dissociative amnesia and memory blocking and sometimes i go unresponsive, i rarely sleep or eat much but i still feel fine i just know i risk going unresponsive & since the cops dont want to get in trouble theyll just send cartel mfs to come kidnap me to use me in rituals or sell me as a wife to some man in another country, someone cut my brake lines, and this man i never met tried to kick down my door to beat me to death 2 days in a row until these security guards had to bear mace him n throw him out. thats all i can remember right now.

………..and i wasnt even "on the list". like i wasnt supposed to be part of any program or game or training or famous or rich. i was told i didnt really have a choice by the nazi guy while drugged watching what i think were burning bodys at a massive sacrifice ceremony w police presence. so i was like yeaaa i aint takin this down.

it was hellish for a while then it finally relaxed & i had my crown chakra open which left me tranquil and happy and free but i said it would get weird w like blackouts and interferences. which it did lol. dude was like ok girl fix the mcdonalds tv menu…. lol. it was rly good for a while until then out of nowhere its back to random people thousands of miles away i wasnt really friends with 4 years ago and also the man who SA'd me multiple times and whatever strangers just hiding behind screens telling people im a toxic arrogant psychopath nazi murderer trans muslim n-word not good not smart not victim. lol.

then someone sent dark web terror groups of dangerous weirdos out free into the city that was just starting to show a lil more kindness and trust in one another. even the weirdos were starting to scare the weirdos. some dude was rubbing his shit in the lobby to a super pregnant woman tryna get a room. so yeahhh….yall realize i dont even have money to kill me for right?

but im still grateful because this like special agency came out and federal police…. and the corrupt people in power are being intimidated and held accountable. people associated with different gangs broke bread. some cops broke code to shed light on what shameful things go on behind closed doors. people stepped down from jobs and refused to condone this unethical social experiment. people were witnessing miracles, seeing angels and finding faith in something. veterans were in tears hearing that someone has the patience to offer conversation and some help to disabled vets. offering homeless people a shower or $1 soda. people were inspired by seeing someone act alone and not care what others were saying. and people who really understood the reality, they knew i knew they were gonna kill me anyway. it grateful that i see now who i am when i dont have anything to lose. i didnt like feel drugs or want to be drunk. it was all such shit but it was all so sobering.

people wanna do the right thing. its your instinct to help another person. its your ego that justifies all suffering outside of your own. our world actively socializes you to not empathize and to rationalize every misfortune through the lens of "free will". but to be a self-pitying, money hungry, godless narcissist that deems oneself worthy of controlling or taking another persons life for nothing but the sake of personal advancement and maximized profit……you've earned the death penalty.