Willpower via /r/gratitude

Back in 2019 I was addicted to drugs and completely wrecked my life, betrayed my fiance at the time and my two daughters in the worst possible way. I was told to leave and not come back and that I was no longer considered their mother. So I did. It's been really hard to stay away. I've gotten sober and I'm a different person now. I miss the girls something fierce but I know I need to stay away. Today is especially hard because it's the youngest one's birthday, she turns 23 today. The oldest turned 26 in March. I imagine what their lives are like as little women. I'm grateful for my willpower on days like this when everything in me is begging me to reach out and tell her how much I miss her and how sorry I am for what I've done. To tell her how I've changed and I'm better now and ask her what she needs from me in her life nowadays. I won't do this. Even my memory is toxic for her and I won't interrupt her healing by injecting myself into her life just to make myself feel better, just to stop this feeling of missing her. I hope she's doing well, her and her sister and father. I hope my toxicity has washed away from their lives. Today's gonna be a struggle but I will remain on course because I have strong willpower and for that I'm very very grateful. Hope you're having the happiest birthday, Boog.